"Should" is an illusion that I do not subscribe to...

I believe that I am Enough and that you are Enough!

Phew, now that we have that out of the way, let’s get to know one another.

I’m Treisha and I am so glad you are here!

I tried to meet the "should" ideal,

I really tried to live up to the ideology and expectations of all of the “should’s” of my social and cultural narratives. I checked all the boxes and did all the things that I was supposed to do to be a “good” mom.

If my church believed I “should” be a stay at home mom, I stayed at home.

If the research said that I “should” make home cooked meals for my family, I made home cooked meals.

I volunteered, I had chore lists, I organized menus and playdates.

I didn’t think I was better or worse than anyone and I was well aware that I wasn’t perfect;

I was just doing what I was supposed to be doing to give my kids the best environment for their success and happiness.

So, I was really caught off guard when my children started experiencing anxiety, depression, felt-loneliness, and spiritual distress.

Again, I did NOT think that I was perfect and I was well aware that struggles are normal,

but the depth of my children’s struggles took me off-guard; the intensity of their struggles was far more than I was prepared to navigate.

What I didn’t know, at the time, is that my kids’ struggles were not unlike the manifestation of mental, emotional, and spiritual distress that was perplexing social & family scientists and help-professionals all over the world.

All I knew, at the time, is that I felt alone, afraid, and uncertain of how to help my kids and how to support my family through the crises and stressors that had set up camp in our home.

I was working on a Master’s degree at the time, with an emphasis in family resource management. With amazing support from my advisors, I switched my study emphasis and began to focus on Adolescent Perfection Driven Distress & Religiosity.

I quickly realized that my family was not the only family struggling with heightened distress. Not only were we not the only ones, families across the globe are struggling to support teens and young adults who are grappling with identity, religion, belonging, and the heavy burden of social expectations.

Not only in my home, but in homes everywhere,

my research revealed that perfection is destroying our children’s sense of self and the illusion of perfectionistic expectations is creating huge barriers between parents and their children that was only creating more struggle.

At the time, I wasn’t talking to a lot of people about what was going on in our home. I didn’t want to violate my children’s privacy but, I also didn’t want to invite criticism, judgement, and shame. So, I was processing a lot of emotions, fears, and shames alone.

I started sharing my research at academic conferences and in my yoga classes. Every time I shared, someone in the group would talk to me privately about their own family life struggles.

Women who had stopped leaving their homes because of the sheer fear of what might happen when she was gone.

Women who were doubting every ounce of their value and worth because they were afraid that they had failed as mothers.

And, after every class and every workshop and every conference, I left thinking

What about Mom?

How is Mom coping?

With these two big questions brewing over in my mind and a whole lot of small questions bubbling up in my heart, I went back to school to get a Ph.D. specializing in social narratives, identity, and the lived experiences of women who are mothers.

The truth is, I have walked the fine line between knowing that I did my best to raise my kids and wishing that I had known to do better, known to do different. Honestly, I have balanced the beam between knowing that I did my best and wishing I had known more.

With as much research as we have on adolescent and young adult distress, I was expecting to find plenty of research on the mothers of these youth. But, instead, what I found is that NO ONE is talking about it!

Not in the research and not in social dialog. The discussion about a woman’s experience as a mother of adolescent or young adult children struggling with identity, beliefs transitions, or perfection driven distress is so quiet; so closeted because it involves stories that are so stigmatized!

And so, here I am.

With you.

Ready to tell our stories, flip a few scripts, and change a few narratives.

Because, this journey of motherhood, this journey of womanhood was never meant to be travelled alone. As women, as parents, we were never meant to navigate the heaviest burdens on our own!

My own journey has been long and I have spent many nights sleeping on tear-stained pillows. And, from all I have learned and experienced, what I know for sure is that the whole plan of Divine Grace is that God- or whatever Higher Power you choose- fills in our Gaps.

What I know for sure is that

Love makes up the difference,

always and forever.

Just a thought,

With Love & Light,

Treisha