When I teach, I often talk about the importance of a community~
the importance of our community; the people, places, and groups that make up our little piece of the world pie.
I tend to talk about this most when I am guiding a class through a
particularly challenging flow, or asking them to hold one of the more difficult
yoga poses!
I ask them to consider one another, and to consider this practice in
relation to the community that we have forged together. It is not at all
unlikely, in one of my yoga classes, to have moments of laughter and moments of
tears.
Not everyone who walks into the studio knows each other,
Hardly any of my students socialize outside of the studio,
And it is likely that a newcomer will feel a little uncertain the first time
they enter the studio- not because they are unwelcome, but possibly because
there is always that little voice that says, “What if I’m not ——— enough”
!
This isn’t a whole lot different than everyday life~
As we move through life, there are those people that cross our paths in many
different ways.
There will be people who play a large part: parents, spouses, children,
siblings~
There will be people who flow in and out of our lives: friends, neighbors,
professional peers~
And there will be people who touch us daily, but so subtly, that we hardly
notice we’ve been touched at all~
This idea of “community” has always been important to me. If ever there was a person raised by a community, it was me~
I have tried to take inventory, over the years, of the people who stepped up
and made a difference in my life. My mom passed away when I was 11 years old,
leaving behind four daughters and a young husband who was ill equipped and much
too young to single-handedly meet our needs. There would be no way to count the
people who stepped up and took note of the smallest way that they could meet
the my needs or the needs of our family.
I am 100% certain that there are MANY whose gentle influence, touch, or prayers influenced the life I have today. It is my incredible gratitude for the MANY hands; the hearts, and all of the hope that touched my life that has ALWAYS influenced my appreciation for the importance of our COMMUNITY.
On Mother’s Day, I asked my kids to name a few people- outside of family-
that had touched their lives. I was so grateful for their answers. It really
does take a village to raise a child; which means, it’s going to take a LOT of
villages to raise a generation that is plagued with sadness, fear, doubt, and
hopelessness in a way unlike any generation before.
My son performed in a play called Runaways this last weekend. I had never
heard of the play before the call to audition. It is a play with mature
content, originally performed off-Broadway in 1978; though it was based on
homeless teens in 1970, it has incredible relevance to our youth today.
In a nutshell, the play is about life on the streets for runaway youth. It’s
about the stories that led to their leaving home and the stories of survival,
victimization, and abuse that they face each day. To say that I left heavy
hearted, wondering how on EARTH I could ever make a difference to adolescent
distress, is an understatement of a lifetime! I am one voice in a world of 7.6
BILLION people! I am one voice attempting to raise awareness, not only of
rising rates of adolescent suicide, but the rising rates of adolescent distress
that impacts how our children and youth feel about themselves and their place
in this world!
So I woke up early this morning and did the only thing that I know how to do
when I feel overwhelmed and underqualified~
I took stock of the people in my life; the students, children, friends, and
neighbors who had been in the right place at the right time for just the right
moment to make a difference in my life. The truth is, we don’t always needs
someone who will hold our hands and guide us to our peace and potential. We
don’t always need someone who has the roadmap towards our destination. And we
almost never need someone who will walk our journey for us!
No~
What we really need is someone who reaches out with a hand to hold, a
shoulder to cry on; an ear to listen or a minute to spare~
And this, my friend, is something I CAN do and YOU CAN DO! This is the ENTIRE concept and motive behind Free & Full; it is a commitment to stand where we are and lift! It is a commitment to practice life with compassion for ourselves so that we can offer honest compassion with others. There are a lot of Gaps to fill in this world; and I, alone, CANNOT make a difference. The numbers are too big, the odds to great, and the stakes too high!
But, I am not alone! I have you and you have me~
and in that union, we reach out and add more hands to hold, more hearts that
touch, and more feet that are ready for the journey of a lifetime- walking with
our youth as they travel the most treacherous path they will ever be asked to
trek through.
So where do we start? First and foremost, we start with AWARENESS
and BELIEF in ourselves, that we can make a difference. If you
doubt this, take stock on this beautiful morning of the people in your life
whose authentic touch has left its mark.
My list is large, but there are some whose names and touch will be forever
etched in my heart~
Julie:
Really there is no way to adequately explain
the life preserver that she was, and still is, in my life. Julie lived across
the street from our family and loved my mom more than anyone I know. The two
had coffee together, and I am certain she knows some of my mom’s biggest fears
and joys! Julie did NOT feel sorry for us girls after my mom died, at least not
that I am aware of. Instead, she loved us the best she could; she watched out
for our hearts, and answered every phone call we dialed! I know she felt
powerless more than she felt empowered, but it was her desire that that we
became the women my mom would have wanted us to be.
Our neighborhood BOOKMOBILE MAN: Really~
how could he know what a huge role he played in my life? I can’t remember his
name, but I remember his clothes, his smile, and the look, feel, and smell of
the bookmobile that he drove through my neighborhood each week. I fell in LOVE
with reading because of him! I could have read the biography of Booker T.
Washington a million times, and actually, I probably did J But, he noticed me
each week, asked me simple questions, and was prepared to offer me new
suggestions of books he thought I would like. Because of him, I fell in love
with our founding fathers, I dreamed of having the wisdom to create an
underground railroad, and had hope that today is not forever!
The AVON LADY: I had
forgotten about her until one of my friends joined Avon this summer. I have NO
idea if she knew anything about my family or not, it was trying for both my dad
and I to be going through teenage hormones without a mom. I was the oldest and
my dad (who grew up with only brothers) is, honestly, barely older than me. At
other homes, she hung a monthly catalog on the front door. At the Nielsen home,
she stopped by and sat on the lawn with two little girls and talked make-up,
beauty, and self-care. She ALWAYS had samples to spare- lipstick and blush and
perfume and eye-shadow!! She was the one who talked to me about the importance
of personal hygiene when my menstrual cycle started and, somehow knowing my dad
would HATE this errand, she told me to call her if I ever needed help with
feminine care products.
The LINCOLN ELEMENTARY SECRETARY:
My mom died late in May, so I’m not sure why- but we didn’t return to school
after her death. When I returned to Lincoln Elementary the following September,
I was less than combed and cared for the way my mom would have sent me to
school on the first day of school! Without any fanfare or judgement, the
secretary sent a note to my teacher to let me go to the office. The only time I
had been called to the office before was when my grandma came to get me because
my mom had passed. To say I was freaking out would be a dramatic understatement
to the anxiety I felt! She sat me down and asked me if it would be okay if she
re-braided my hair. My poor dad had tried, but he is a cowboy and only knew how
to braid a horses tail- my hair was pulled so tight that my eyes had
practically crossed! As she combed my hair, she told me how much she loved my
mom, how beautiful she was inside and out, and how she could see my mom in my
face and smile! I have learned since that gentle touch, for 5-10 seconds,
increases our ability to trust. Her hands on my hair combined with the words of
her mouth touched my heart and led me through some of my darkest days!
RANDY: Mr. C. came into my
life a few years after my mom died. He was my science teacher at South Cache
Junior High. He had the most amazing smile, and when I walked into the room, I
could feel that smile resting right on me. He was just a little bit hippy,
which made me smile because my mom was a lot o’bit hippy. It took Mr. C a few
days to recognize me and when he did- I felt like I was THE most important
person in his world. He was married to the sister of my mom’s second husband-
my pedigree chart is one of THE most complicated you’d ever see- and the family
had lost contact after the two were divorced. I didn’t know the back story, and
really still don’t. There were other relationships in my life that came with a
lot of pressure- pressure to visit, pressure to be more than I could be. But
with Randy, I got nothing but joy that I sat in the third row, off to left, of
3rd period biology! What I knew after a year in Mr. C’s biology
class was that I would NEVER be alone- that there were always going to be
angels placed in my path for love and guidance. Sometimes that love and
guidance has come in my most desperate of moments and I’ve had to wait for the
support- but it has ALWAYS come. Mr. C’s smile and love for me- without
judgment or pressure to be more than I could be- has been an inspiration for me
when I find myself in complicated relationships.
Oh my gosh, there are so many more: Debbie
whose smile is contagious; Mrs. B
who taught me to LOVE homemaking skills; Mrs.
O who taught me to be a thinker and a speaker; Ms. M who helped
me overcome all the obstacles as I completed my B.S…
and so many other amazing people who have come and gone in my life~
Today, won’t you sit back and offer some heartfelt recognition and gratitude
for the people who have touched your lives. As you do, I challenge you to be
able to hold on to the lie we- too often believe ~ that we have nothing
significant to offer and that one persona can’t possibly make a difference!
I wish you joy and clarity as I plead for your help to stand where you are
and join me in bridge some gaps and build emotional connections!
From Me to You, May you Love Much & Laugh Often
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