We are creatures of patterns, habits, and the security of boxes, rules, and rubrics. As a matter of fact, our brains are hard-wired to look for the fastest and most efficient way to get from point A to point B; from where we are to where we want to go! We look for structure, we look for steps and stages.
This habit of pattern seeking is why we believe that January 1st is a perfect day for making plans to grow, improve, or set our sights on some big goals. It’s why most people set aside Monday to start their ‘diet reset’ or to recommit to going to the gym! This security of structure keeps us believing that morning is better than late afternoon to set an intention to have a good day; it’s why “To Do” lists are made in the A.M. and why think “tomorrow”, is a better day to start over, to reach high or to start fresh!
BUT, these are rules that we place on ourselves. There are no officers who police our fitness or our food; there are no stickers in Heaven for the person who commits to look for growth and challenge on January 1st. There is no magic formula on the “tomorrows” of our lives! This tendency to mark the right time to begin can actually be, emotionally and mentally, a place of great inner-self-sabotage. As long as we continue to believe that there is a starting point where we begin and a finish where we complete- we continue to feed the belief that life is a RACE to be entered and won! And, as long as we buy into the RACE of LIFE, we trade our courage and curiosity for comparison and competition!
As long we travel up the pyramid… we try for January 1st and we fail (I ate a cookie for breakfast on 1/1/2019), so we try for the next Monday (and I slept in), so we promise ourselves TOMORROW. And when tomorrow comes, we find that we yelled at our kids or had a bad hair day or we were late for work or we uttered expletives on our way through the car pool lane! This type of pattern keeps us locked in the race, so instead of compassion for ourselves when we tumble or fall, we end up torturing ourselves with competition and shame!
As we travel down the pyramid, we commit to start tomorrow, and then we commit to start next Monday and then we ditch all efforts until the next New Year. When we think of our abilities to grow and develop from this downward perspective, we end up in a chronic loop of COMPARISON and SHAME! We look at what neighbor next door has and we count, we literally take inventory, of all of the ways that THEY have it all figured out!
When we concentrate on the pattern, structure, and steps- it is easy to buy into the belief that there are ages and stages of life and, that some of us, have aged out of certain opportunities and experiences. Please know, that ANY day and ANY time is the perfect time to start fresh, recommit, and re-center on reaching high and stepping back.
My students and family would tell you that I am a firm believer in setting goals and working from intention to grow and to reach! In every way, I believe in setting New Year’s Resolutions; I love the idea of looking at where I have lack, where I have opportunity, and where I could push myself to reach a little further.
BUT, I am also a FIRMER believer (is that a word) that January 1st is the WORST day of the year to start anything new! It is no wonder that January 12 is the day that most people report quitting OR determining to start again on “Monday” and, it is no surprise to me at all, that 80% of resolutions set on New Year’s day are broken by this, the last week in January!
So, I’m here to let you know that you didn’t FAIL if your resolutions didn’t stick. I’m here to remind you that life is not a race and that joy is a not a destination. There is no competition and there is absolutely not one ounce of truth to comparison. This is your journey, my journey, and- together- we create a beautiful ride.
I’ve actually written about my pattern of setting goals for a New Year before. Though it is a little dated, it is an accurate depiction of my traditional goal setting routine. I’m telling you, I love New Year’s goals. I spend a lot of time getting to know where my pain points are, understanding my weaknesses and pondering where I see opportunity for growth. You can click over to this page if you’d like to read a little bit more about that. It has proven to be an amazing way to push beyond your current limits and reach for those “big dream” type of goals!
Otherwise, the nitty gritty of my approach to the New Year is that January is solely and 100% wholeheartedly left to reflection, intention, and priorities.
I spend the month of January cleaning up and clearing out… I clean up my inner dialog and I clear out all the old patterns and habits that aren’t supporting my vision for my future. I make a conscious and dedicated effort to look back on the previous year (or years) and count where I saw growth and where I found challenges. From that inventory, I look forward twelve months and ask, “What are 3 things that I want to be celebrating one year from now. I usually come up with a guiding word… ONE little word that keeps me focused and free from the distractions that might arise.
And from there… I prioritize! What really matters most to me? Where do I really want to invest my resources (time, energy, love, connection, money)? And, where do I need to divest my resources?
I think it is so easy to get wrapped in the goals that seem “traditional”. How many people do you know that set a goal to lose weight, get healthy, or go to the gym more often? When we think of resources, it is really easy to focus on money, but… time, energy, and connection are much more precious resources. Sometimes, we trade our time for money, but it is time with friends that increases our sense of self-worth, meaning, and joy!
Very RARELY, when I approach my New Year this way, do I settle on the traditional goals. Even more rarely, do I find myself breaking my goals and falling short of my vision. I might not reach the original destination, but every time, I find myself on an amazing journey of self-discovery.
This year, a fitness goal DID make it onto my list. I am turning 50 in September and I have two things that drive my desire to take health and wellness into my sixth decade! My first goal is to generously nurse some old injuries that I have been masking and working through for several years. And, my second goal, is to take time to be a yoga student again. I’ve taught over 1,500 classes in the past 5 years, but I’ve taken only 3! I look forward to both of these goals; goals that are driven by vision and purpose.
In case your curious, some of my other goals include…
Here is my quick breakdown of how I came up with these three-
First, as I looked back on 2018, I realized that a HUGE pain point for me is impulse shopping of all kinds, but especially of clothes. I HATE to try clothes on in the store- my affair with my body image is definitely love/hate- so I tend to buy a lot, try it on at home, and then return what I don’t love. In the end, it isn’t an overstatement that I might make 3 or 4 runs to the same store as I bought, returned, bought, returned, regretted, returned and bought again! Agggg… pain point galore. So, I’ve decided that I won’t shop that way anymore. If I like enough, I need to try it on BEFORE I buy it. No excuses- this is the new clothing shopping me!
Second, during my reflection, I realized that over the past few years, I have lost sight of self-care. In the middle of everything that I do, I’m often just moving from one thing to another. Though I might do things that should count as self-care, I do them whilst multi-tasking, so I don’t really get the benefit of relaxing and renewing my energy stores. I have created a list of 50 things that, I would consider to be ‘self-care’ and I have scheduled them in to my weekly routine!
And third, my family and I are simply not thriving in our current community. We have many wonderful situations, but as a whole, we are not living up to our capacity. Moving is not an option, as we all have some work to be finished before we can leave this area. So, we have committed to find the holes in our calendars and look for the hidden gems within our reach. Inspired by the joy we feel when we happen upon the cute little boutiques or the home grown restaurants, or the graffiti walls and small town dives and drive-in’s, we have determined to take a day trip once a month; spending time together and enjoying the uniqueness of Texas pride and Southern hospitality in all of its finest.
I am a firm believer that life is so much more than rushing, finishing, and winning the race. I believe that this life is for becoming, and experiencing, and savoring; this life is all about small moments, sweet flavors, and kind words! It’s about holding hands, healing hearts, and touching souls!
Happy new NEW YEAR~
May You Love Much and Laugh Lots
I love this! Thank you for sharing it. I have been kind of on the same path as this recently, except with my own little perspective. “Unconditional” has been my word for the past couple of years. I have been exploring what unconditional living and what unconditional loving means. I kept unconditional as my word until I felt like I had a pretty good understanding of what it means to me and how to use it in my life. This year I am ready to choose a new word (or phrase in my case), and I chose 2 this year. Is having 2 cheating? If so, I dont care! This year I chose, “What if..” and, “In this moment.” The “what if” is what I’m writing this comment about. “In this moment” is a whole different topic, so I’ll save that for another time. Haha!
This year I am questioning and exploring why I do the things I do, and why I think the things I think. Am I doing them out of habit? Is it simply because I’ve always done things that way? Was I told that was the way to do things? Do I do things that way because I enjoy it? Etc. My “what if” is going to be kind of an experiment where I can explore the things I do or think, (or don’t do) and why I do (or don’t do) them. Such as, why do I ___________? What if I did _______ instead? Or why do I think this way about ________? Is it really true? What if ________ is really the truth? Etc. I’m hoping to gain a deeper perspective and understanding of not only myself, but also learn where I got certain ideas and habits in the hopes that the end result will help me better live with purpose and intention because I am doing and thinking for myself and doing and thinking things on purpose, instead of just following society or my family or friends or just aimlessly wandering through life doing things because that’s what everyone else is doing.
I’m going to attempt to “tailor” my life according to my wants, needs, desires, and truths, instead of some one else, and your article touched on some of the things I have been questioning and using my “what if” thinking on.
Oh my gosh, I love that!! I’m so glad that you shared that with me. The website is still under re-construction, so I didn’t post this live anywhere. I’m so glad that you found it and took the time to read.